Million Dollar Answer
by turbomagnus
Summary: There was one question that "To Live and Die on TV" never answered... did Sledge win the million?


Disclaimer: Sledge Hammer! is the property of Anchor Bay Entertainment, I believe, and used without permission or intent to profit... scum-suckers...

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"Million Dollar Answer"  
By J.T. Magnus, 'Turbo'

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"I'm looking for Inspector Hammer..."

"There he is," an officer pointed to a pair of desks across the police station's bullpen where a blonde man stood in slacks and a loud checked-sports jacket, wearing dark sunglasses despite the fact that it was a cloudy day outside and he was inside reading a file.

The man who was looking for Hammer made his way across the bullpen and stopped on the other side of the desks from his target before he spoke, "Inspector Sledge Hammer?"

Tossing the file casually onto one of the desks, the blonde looked at him and snapped back, "Who's asking, sea urchin?"

"I'm a representative from the local television network," The man answered carefully, "Are you Sledge Hammer?"

"What, planning to bill me for damages?" Hammer scoffed, "Join the list."

"No, sir, I'm here to give you this," The representative then raised his briefcase and opened it, showing Sledge the large amount of money that was inside. Before the TV man realised what was happening, he had a .44 Magnum pointed right at his face and Hammer was demanding answers.

"What's this," Hammer asked with gritted teeth, "Some kind of bribe?"

"No!" The man squeaked before he managed to get his voice under control, "No. The cameras were on when you answered the Million Dollar Question and after some debate, the network executives decided that since you did answer the question, despite the situation, you did win the million dollars."

Holstering his weapon, Sledge looked down at the briefcase, then closed it and shoved it back into the man's chest, "Keep it. I cheated on the show to catch the slimeball hosting it. Detective Doreau was feeding me the answers."

"Then split it with them," The representative sighed, "Look, Inspector, it's bad enough that the former host stole the first million dollars, worse that he killed to cover it up, if people thought the network was still refusing to recognise a winner after putting up a second million dollars to replace the stolen money, we'd be finished. Take it, invest it, spend it... buy ammunition for your gun, some old-fashioned saddlesoap for your shoulder holster... maybe a new sports jacket..."

Sledge narrowed his eyes, "Something wrong with my sports jacket, maggot?"

"No! No, nothing like that!" The representative answered defensively, "I just thought that law enforcement's a dangerous business, you might like to have extras. Look, donate the money to charity if you want or whatever, but if you don't take it then you'll have to fill out refusal paperwork and it'll be a whole legal headache for everyone involved. _Another_ legal headache, that is."

"Yeah, whatever," Sledge jerked the briefcase out of his hands, "Now get outta here, you yogurt-eating creep, before I decide to question you as an accessory."

Unsure, the representative asked cautiously, "Accessory to what?"

"I haven't decided yet, so make tracks before I do, lamebrain," Sledge ordered.

"Um... Have a good day, Inspector," The representative gave a quick nod before backing away to what he thought might be a safe distance so that he could turn and run out of the bullpen. As it was, however, his rapid turn causing him to run right into a woman entering the room, "Sorry!"

"Sorry!" He repeated as he regained his bearings and managed to go around the woman and out of the room.

'Some people are just strange,' the woman just shook her head as she made her way over to her desk and her partner, 'And speaking of strange people...'

Detective Dori Doreau raised her eyebrow at the sight of her partner standing there holding a briefcase, "What was that all about, Sledge?"

"Here, Doreau," Hammer dropped the briefcase on her desk, "Buy yourself some new perfume or something."

Curious, Doreau opened the briefcase and looked at the money, feeling a sudden need to sit down come over her at the sight of it, "Sledge, what is all this?"

Hammer rolled his eyes, "We won a gameshow, that's the prize money. Geez, Doreau, don't you women ever pay attention to anything?"

Doreau sat down in her chair, finding it hard to stay standing, "We cheated!"

Sledge shook his head, "That brain-dead maggot kept going on about they couldn't keep it or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. They said we had to take it, I don't want it, you can have it."

"Sledge," Doreau shook her head, unable to take her eyes off of the bands around the stacks hundred-dollar bills, each band reading '$1000', "This is a million dollars. You don't want any of it?"

"Look, Doreau, a man gets money and suddenly all kinds of relatives and friends start showing their faces and I don't need 'em," Sledge waved his hands to his sides theatrically before patting his jacket where his gun was holstered, "The only relative and friend I need is the one closest to my heart, right here."

Doreau looked at him with a mixture of frustration and sadness, "I thought _we _were friends, Sledge."

"You're not a friend, Doreau, you're a fellow officer, my partner, even if you are a woman," Sledge retorted, "Look, if you don't want the money, you can fill out the paperwork for refusing it instead, okay?"

"Okay, Sledge," Doreau bit her bottom lip as she closed the briefcase and set it under her desk, looking at the folder laying on top of the desk to get started with the day's policework, "What's this file?"


End file.
